Wednesday, June 29, 2011

sometimes the truth hurts

so, maybe i was too honest yesterday about defriending people that i clearly have nothing in common with. i lost a follower as a result, but i'm okay with it. i don't think my opinions have ever mattered to that individual and given their comments during CruiseGate 2011, it's pretty clear they didn't want a friendship with me either. i'm almost 40 years old, i do not have to be friends with everyone i cross paths with. they don't have to like me either, and i'm learning that's okay. for my first 38 years on earth, i took it very personally when someone didn't like me. boyfriends, acquaintances, coworkers, people in line at the supermarket... if they rejected me i took it as a flaw in my character. it isn't true. some of us just don't "click," and you don't have to force yourself into a relationship with someone that you don't have that "click" with.

so... anywhooo...

the cruise is over. i came home and immediately weighed myself and was down 4 pounds. and this morning when i scale hopped, it showed i was UP 4 pounds. that's an 8 pound swing. what the frick?!?!?!?! i don't want to go to my WW meeting tonight, i don't want to even give a shit about my weight at this point because it looks like when i'm having fun and not thinking about anything - i am losing. when i am focused and following my healthy guidelines, i GAIN. it doesn't make sense to me at all. i've gotten to the point of a chronic case of the fuckits due to attacks of frustration. i mean, what can i do? i'm back on the metformin again, because i have been having ovulation issues again, and that always messes with my body somewhat. so far, i don't feel any ill effects so that's always a good thing, but it also means that i'm not impacting the way my body metabolizes carbohydrates (simple or complex). i've all but eliminated simple carbs from my diet with a few exceptions and it doesn't make a friggin fraggin difference.


i hate the scale. i may have to file for divorce from it. we cannot live together like this any more. i'm not getting from it what i want, and it just sits there mocking me. bastard.

1 comment:

  1. See?!?! You just said it yourself. You're focusing too much! Self-sabotage and you don't even realize it.