Sunday, June 19, 2011

Trying to make sense of it all

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. And here I am.

This week has been horrible. Lots of emotions, thoughts, insights, and soul searching.

I'm struggling to understand how or why bad things happen to the most amazing, kind, caring people on the planet. Three of my friends have miscarried over the past month and I have no idea why. I was absolutely heartbroken when I found out about each of them (2 occurred this week), and collapsed in grief on Thursday as a result. Is it selfish to be so sad for them? Maybe, but I would actually cut off my right arm for any of them to take away the pain - physical and emotional - that these women are feeling.

I just don't get it. It's not fair.

So, here I sit, at Logan airport. Watching all these people coming and going to their destinations and I wonder if they have ever felt guilty about going away on vacation when people they love are hurting? I feel like a horrible person leaving to have fun, but I know that there is nothing I can say or undo what has happened. Yet I feel guilty. Several of the friends I am going to see are friends with one of the women who lost her baby this week. I'm sure we will all be happy to see each other, but she will be weighing heavily in our hearts all the same.

Sorry to be so deep and introspective. Now I will get to the funny shit.

There are several people coming on this trip that make me wonder if they have ever been on a fucking vacation before. Questions of what to buy, where to buy it, what to wear, what to pack, how much money to bring, will they provide towels, where the electrical outlets will be in the room, will it be hot in florida...the list keeps building. I cannot make is shit up. I am pretty sure someone will be thrown overboard by this trips end. It may be me for being bitchy and intolerant. So be it. I am prepared for it, if it will spare me from the mind numbing idiocy.

These are friggin grown ass women! I am absolutely stunned that they are that unsavvy that they cannot do some googling themselves to answer the most banal questions. Cmon people. Use the gray matter in your cranium.

It's going to be interesting. That's for damn sure. I will keep you all posted!


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