Psst... Kristin... that guy you are with? He does not love you. He has never loved you. When he says he loves you, he is only telling you he loves having SEX WITH YOU. He never spends the night, he never has introduced you to any of his friends, and only takes you to places near where you live.
HE. DOES. NOT. LOVE. YOU.
He lied to you when he said that he was separated from his wife.
He left you crying and writhing in pain when you broke your ankle. To go to his WIFE.
He lied to you when he said you were the only one for him.
He never once spent a holiday with you, and he is the reason you hate your birthday.
He lied to you when he said he bought you a ring.
He cried poor mouth, but somehow bought himself some really nice things. WITH HIS WIFE'S MONEY.
He lied to you when he begged you not to move 40 miles away.
And then bought a house WITH HIS WIFE A WEEK LATER.
He is a liar. Your life is going to be so much happier without his emotional cancer in your life. He does not make you feel good about yourself. He makes you want to curl up and hide in shame, when you should be out there CELEBRATING the awesomeness that is you. You are depriving the world of who you are by allowing him to have so much power over the way you feel about yourself.
It may take a while to ease the hurt of feeling betrayed, but you are going to be so happy when you open your eyes and see what is around you. Do not judge people by their appearances, do not allow the "I can'ts" get in your way. Step outside, take a deep breath, and follow your heart.
You are awesome. You are smart. You are funny. You deserve to go far. The company you work for? Yeah, they aren't going to be around for much longer. Trust your instincts when you start to feel like things are going South fast. But, don't leave just yet. You have a very important person to meet before you find another job. The one you have been waiting your entire life for, but had no idea what it was that you needed. You will realize that the kindness in one person's eyes is sincere, he has no ulterior motives, and he is going to change your world. You will find your soul mate, but it is not who you expect, so keep kissing those frogs. You will realize when you have gone on your last first date, you will KNOW that night that this is the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your days with.
You will thank me for this in ten years.
Truly yours, with unconditional love now and forever,
The 42 Year Old You.
PS - please do not throw away that gorgeous black chenille sofa. It is awesome, and someone is going to tell you to toss it. Don't because you will regret it for years to come.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Writing assignment
If you haven't heard of Brittany Gibbons, you are missing out.
She is funny, smart, and one of the most authentic people you will ever meet, read, or hear about.
She's the woman who had the brass ones to wear a bikini and have it posted on the Huffington Post. She's normal, she's a mom, and she inspires a lot of women to be more than we have allowed ourselves to be.
Yesterday, she put us to task. She invited us to participate in a writing project, and it made me realize that the one thing that I am truly passionate about is writing. So, I accepted the challenge.
http://brittanyherself.com/aside/august-writing-prompts/
Feel free to join in! Some of the assignments will be a challenge, no doubt, but it is just the right nudge I needed.
She is funny, smart, and one of the most authentic people you will ever meet, read, or hear about.
She's the woman who had the brass ones to wear a bikini and have it posted on the Huffington Post. She's normal, she's a mom, and she inspires a lot of women to be more than we have allowed ourselves to be.
Yesterday, she put us to task. She invited us to participate in a writing project, and it made me realize that the one thing that I am truly passionate about is writing. So, I accepted the challenge.
http://brittanyherself.com/aside/august-writing-prompts/
Feel free to join in! Some of the assignments will be a challenge, no doubt, but it is just the right nudge I needed.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
reality check...
i have been very open in the past about my health. a few years ago, i went to a gastroenterologist because i was having some bleeding issues, which i thought was nothing to be concerned about until i had a sigmoidoscopy and i saw a big, angry thing growing inside of my body. the doctor said "well, i don't like that..." and i was yelling "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" turns out, it was what they call an adenoma growing inside my lower colon and they had to do a colonoscopy to remove it, and found 8 more "friends" growing further up in my colon.
at 37 years old, it's highly unusual to have this kind of "activity" going on in your digestive tract so the doctors immediately took interest in my case. i have to go every year for a colonoscopy and they find stuff, remove it, and that's that. but they want to know WHY it's happening, and i guess what they should expect going forward. me, too, docs. ME, too.
yesterday, i had a consultation with a practice at Mass General who specializes in genetic gastro-intestinal cancers. we talked about my family history, we talked about my symptom history, and we talked about what to expect with the testing they are going to do (they took about a gallon of my blood and are sending it to some special laboratory in California to test for genetic markers and really complicated stuff). but that wasn't what struck me yesterday.
you see? i don't have cancer. yet. so i don't need to worry about my life. YET.
but as i was sitting in the waiting area, there was a couple - maybe in their 60s, also sitting there. the husband was stone silent, looking forward and staring at a painting of Motif #2 and the wife was just stroking his hand.
about five minutes passed, and a woman (doctor?) came out from the office area, found them, and started to talk. the man looked up and said "it's my life. i need to do what's best," and the doctor started to talk about chemotherapy protocol, how often he would need to come in for chemo, and how often he needed to visit with the doctor in between rounds of chemo.
i sat there, absolutely stunned that they were having this intensely personal conversation right in front of me, but then i realized. the man had just been given a pretty bad diagnosis, and had walked out of the doctor's office. his wife coaxed him to sit down in the waiting area to "cool off" a bit, and that was where the doctor found them. rather than try to convince him to go back to that unpleasant room where he had just been given some bad news, she made a judgment call to talk to him out there in a non-threatening environment.
i sat there, wanting to cry for this man and his wife. what they are going through? is exactly what i fear most. i do not want to have to have this kind of a conversation with a doctor, and i especially do not want to have this kind of a conversation with my husband. it was like i was meant to witness this whole interchange, because i suddenly felt like i HAD to find out what's going on inside my body so that i can do what i can PROACTIVELY to fight. there is a strong possibility that i have what is called Lynch Syndrome, which is a genetic defect (thanks to both my maternal and paternal genes) that causes colon, ovarian, uterine, and stomach cancers in combination with one another.
what does that mean? i am going to be under a microscope. i would rather face the unknown with as much armour as i can summon - and awareness and early detection is really my only hope. colon cancer is one of the most curable forms of cancer, when it is CAUGHT EARLY. i will eat my broccoli (mother nature's little scrub brushes), i will not smoke, and i will drink wine ONLY in moderation. i will not eat foods that are high in fat, and i will avoid red meat. these are what *I* can do to try to prevent what may be the inevitable. i won't know for another several months what the genetic testing shows, but... my guardian angel? your message was received LOUD and CLEAR. thank you, grammy. i know it's you. i love you.
at 37 years old, it's highly unusual to have this kind of "activity" going on in your digestive tract so the doctors immediately took interest in my case. i have to go every year for a colonoscopy and they find stuff, remove it, and that's that. but they want to know WHY it's happening, and i guess what they should expect going forward. me, too, docs. ME, too.
yesterday, i had a consultation with a practice at Mass General who specializes in genetic gastro-intestinal cancers. we talked about my family history, we talked about my symptom history, and we talked about what to expect with the testing they are going to do (they took about a gallon of my blood and are sending it to some special laboratory in California to test for genetic markers and really complicated stuff). but that wasn't what struck me yesterday.
you see? i don't have cancer. yet. so i don't need to worry about my life. YET.
but as i was sitting in the waiting area, there was a couple - maybe in their 60s, also sitting there. the husband was stone silent, looking forward and staring at a painting of Motif #2 and the wife was just stroking his hand.
about five minutes passed, and a woman (doctor?) came out from the office area, found them, and started to talk. the man looked up and said "it's my life. i need to do what's best," and the doctor started to talk about chemotherapy protocol, how often he would need to come in for chemo, and how often he needed to visit with the doctor in between rounds of chemo.
i sat there, absolutely stunned that they were having this intensely personal conversation right in front of me, but then i realized. the man had just been given a pretty bad diagnosis, and had walked out of the doctor's office. his wife coaxed him to sit down in the waiting area to "cool off" a bit, and that was where the doctor found them. rather than try to convince him to go back to that unpleasant room where he had just been given some bad news, she made a judgment call to talk to him out there in a non-threatening environment.
i sat there, wanting to cry for this man and his wife. what they are going through? is exactly what i fear most. i do not want to have to have this kind of a conversation with a doctor, and i especially do not want to have this kind of a conversation with my husband. it was like i was meant to witness this whole interchange, because i suddenly felt like i HAD to find out what's going on inside my body so that i can do what i can PROACTIVELY to fight. there is a strong possibility that i have what is called Lynch Syndrome, which is a genetic defect (thanks to both my maternal and paternal genes) that causes colon, ovarian, uterine, and stomach cancers in combination with one another.
what does that mean? i am going to be under a microscope. i would rather face the unknown with as much armour as i can summon - and awareness and early detection is really my only hope. colon cancer is one of the most curable forms of cancer, when it is CAUGHT EARLY. i will eat my broccoli (mother nature's little scrub brushes), i will not smoke, and i will drink wine ONLY in moderation. i will not eat foods that are high in fat, and i will avoid red meat. these are what *I* can do to try to prevent what may be the inevitable. i won't know for another several months what the genetic testing shows, but... my guardian angel? your message was received LOUD and CLEAR. thank you, grammy. i know it's you. i love you.
Friday, June 1, 2012
from the outside, looking in
Have you ever had a friend who you look at, and you see how amazing, intelligent, and put together she is? But you know that she doesn't see the awesomeness that is what everyone else sees? The one who no matter what you tell her, she constantly deflects your compliments?
You say: "You look beautiful in that dress, darlin'!"
She responds: "No, I don't. I look fat."
You tell her: "That haircut really flatters your gorgeous cheekbones."
She claims: "Oh, my husband/boyfriend hates it."
You proclaim: "I wish I had your confidence when I walk into a room."
She says: "I wish he would pay more attention to me."
She's not a Debbie Downer, she is all of us. She is what everyone thinks she is when they look in the mirror. She doesn't mean to be negative, but she cannot ever look at herself in a positive light no matter what you tell her. We've all done it, we've all been there, but none of us have any idea how it affects our friends.
When you pay someone a compliment, you aren't being patronizing - you are telling someone sincerely that you admire them. When they respond with a negative, doubting comment... it makes you feel aggravated, like you have no credibility and maybe leaves you a little bit (or a lot) frustrated. Think about it.
When you tell someone that their dress makes them look beautiful and they respond with "I look fat," doesn't it make you second guess yourself? Like you're not being truthful because your friend doesn't believe anything you tell them? It sucks, doesn't it? Sure does. One of my achilles' heels is when someone questions my credibility (another is my intelligence, but that's a post for another time).
The irony here? I am guilty of deflecting ALL. THE. TIME. I don't even hear myself say it, but I am so used to beating the shit out of myself with my own inner dialogue, that when someone says something NICE to me, they can't possibly be telling me the truth. Now, I totally understand how it feels when you are trying to be encouraging to a friend and they constantly respond with doubtful, negative, bone-crushingly frustrating retorts.
I attention to myself when being paid a compliment, and if I can't think of something nice or positive to say (or even "thank you"), I will simply SMILE. Not saying anything when someone pays you a compliment is a hell of a lot nicer (to them) than deflecting it. Nobody wants to hear how much you hate yourself after they have just told you that you admire something about them! So SMILE. Eventually, those nice words they are saying to you? They become easier to accept, and something miraculous may happen. You may actually start BELIEVING the compliments.
TRUST ME.
Fuck the haters. You don't need to listen to those voices in your head, or even those in real life, who have nothing positive to say about yourself. YOU need to love who you are, and YOU are the only person who has control over how you feel. When you rely on someone else to provide you with value, you lose who you are. DON'T ever give someone else that kind of power over you.
You ARE amazing. You ARE intelligent. You ARE beautiful.
You're WELcome. <3
You say: "You look beautiful in that dress, darlin'!"
She responds: "No, I don't. I look fat."
You tell her: "That haircut really flatters your gorgeous cheekbones."
She claims: "Oh, my husband/boyfriend hates it."
You proclaim: "I wish I had your confidence when I walk into a room."
She says: "I wish he would pay more attention to me."
She's not a Debbie Downer, she is all of us. She is what everyone thinks she is when they look in the mirror. She doesn't mean to be negative, but she cannot ever look at herself in a positive light no matter what you tell her. We've all done it, we've all been there, but none of us have any idea how it affects our friends.
When you pay someone a compliment, you aren't being patronizing - you are telling someone sincerely that you admire them. When they respond with a negative, doubting comment... it makes you feel aggravated, like you have no credibility and maybe leaves you a little bit (or a lot) frustrated. Think about it.
When you tell someone that their dress makes them look beautiful and they respond with "I look fat," doesn't it make you second guess yourself? Like you're not being truthful because your friend doesn't believe anything you tell them? It sucks, doesn't it? Sure does. One of my achilles' heels is when someone questions my credibility (another is my intelligence, but that's a post for another time).
The irony here? I am guilty of deflecting ALL. THE. TIME. I don't even hear myself say it, but I am so used to beating the shit out of myself with my own inner dialogue, that when someone says something NICE to me, they can't possibly be telling me the truth. Now, I totally understand how it feels when you are trying to be encouraging to a friend and they constantly respond with doubtful, negative, bone-crushingly frustrating retorts.
I attention to myself when being paid a compliment, and if I can't think of something nice or positive to say (or even "thank you"), I will simply SMILE. Not saying anything when someone pays you a compliment is a hell of a lot nicer (to them) than deflecting it. Nobody wants to hear how much you hate yourself after they have just told you that you admire something about them! So SMILE. Eventually, those nice words they are saying to you? They become easier to accept, and something miraculous may happen. You may actually start BELIEVING the compliments.
TRUST ME.
Fuck the haters. You don't need to listen to those voices in your head, or even those in real life, who have nothing positive to say about yourself. YOU need to love who you are, and YOU are the only person who has control over how you feel. When you rely on someone else to provide you with value, you lose who you are. DON'T ever give someone else that kind of power over you.
You ARE amazing. You ARE intelligent. You ARE beautiful.
You're WELcome. <3
Thursday, April 26, 2012
it's an inside job
Yes, it's an inside job.
You have to be happy... TRULY happy inside. You can't rely on other factors, people, places, things to make you happy. YOU have to make yourself happy. Things happen when you are a happy, good person. People want to be around you. People appreciate things. People want to do things FOR you. Nobody wants to be around the sad sack who is having a pity party of one. They want to be happy. Happy people attract other happy people.
It's all about perspective. Or introspective (is that even a word?). My homework assignment last month was to stop the negative self-talk. While it wasn't a whopping success, I have become more AWARE when I am doing it and I make an effort to turn those negative thoughts around. That, my friends, is progress.
For example: I was meeting a totally awesome, amazing friend over the weekend for some much-needed girl time. I left my house with plenty of time to stop at an ATM and arrive about 15 minutes early so I could pick out my polish color. Then traffic happened. Like, epic Sunday afternoon out-of-nowhere traffic. It was bizarre - we were not moving more than 5 miles per hour on the highway. I texted my friend, who was fortunately on a different route and slightly ahead of me. I called the salon to tell them I was going to be late. The receptionist snootily asked me "Well... when do you THINK you will be there?" Usually, I would have responded very defensively. This time, I told him, "Well, sir... I have no control over what is happening in front of me, nor do I have any idea when the traffic will start moving again." He asked if I could get there within 20 minutes, and I calmly repeated "I have no control over what is happening in front of me. I will do my best to get there, but I cannot predict what will happen." The negative me would have told the guy he was an asshole and cancelled my appointment never to return again. Instead... I was nice. Yes, I was late but they did wait for me. Our pedicures were slightly rushed but we still got to spend time together and then have lunch and gossip more.
I am really doing what I can to cease the rude, bitchy inner me who comes out when I lose patience. I have to accept that there are certain things that are beyond my control and stop stressing about it. For instance... TRAFFIC. I can't do anything about what goes on in front of me, so I can't get too anxious about being late for something if I know I have done what I could to be early or on time (I am always at least 15 minutes early for everything... one of those OCD things).
I am a much happier person when I stop listening to that negative inner voice. I even went shopping one day, and at least 3 women stopped me in Macy's to compliment either my hair, my makeup, or ask me for style advice. It was so flattering, and awesome because that NEVER happened to me before. If I am in one of my negative mindsets, I am totally unapproachable and keep my head down. Happy me walks with pride, I own it, and apparently I look like a nice enough person for strangers to come up to me. I even find that I am dressing better when I'm just running errands on the weekend. No yoga pants and schleppy hoodie, but actual clothes that I wear to work.
So, my homework for this month is to stop relying on outside factors to make me happy. I have to figure out how to just BE happy without relying on compliments, gifts, money, or anything else to make me happy. When I'm happy, good things happen. I strongly recommend it... it's incredible how much a little perspective adjustment can change your whole world if you let it.
You have to be happy... TRULY happy inside. You can't rely on other factors, people, places, things to make you happy. YOU have to make yourself happy. Things happen when you are a happy, good person. People want to be around you. People appreciate things. People want to do things FOR you. Nobody wants to be around the sad sack who is having a pity party of one. They want to be happy. Happy people attract other happy people.
It's all about perspective. Or introspective (is that even a word?). My homework assignment last month was to stop the negative self-talk. While it wasn't a whopping success, I have become more AWARE when I am doing it and I make an effort to turn those negative thoughts around. That, my friends, is progress.
For example: I was meeting a totally awesome, amazing friend over the weekend for some much-needed girl time. I left my house with plenty of time to stop at an ATM and arrive about 15 minutes early so I could pick out my polish color. Then traffic happened. Like, epic Sunday afternoon out-of-nowhere traffic. It was bizarre - we were not moving more than 5 miles per hour on the highway. I texted my friend, who was fortunately on a different route and slightly ahead of me. I called the salon to tell them I was going to be late. The receptionist snootily asked me "Well... when do you THINK you will be there?" Usually, I would have responded very defensively. This time, I told him, "Well, sir... I have no control over what is happening in front of me, nor do I have any idea when the traffic will start moving again." He asked if I could get there within 20 minutes, and I calmly repeated "I have no control over what is happening in front of me. I will do my best to get there, but I cannot predict what will happen." The negative me would have told the guy he was an asshole and cancelled my appointment never to return again. Instead... I was nice. Yes, I was late but they did wait for me. Our pedicures were slightly rushed but we still got to spend time together and then have lunch and gossip more.
I am really doing what I can to cease the rude, bitchy inner me who comes out when I lose patience. I have to accept that there are certain things that are beyond my control and stop stressing about it. For instance... TRAFFIC. I can't do anything about what goes on in front of me, so I can't get too anxious about being late for something if I know I have done what I could to be early or on time (I am always at least 15 minutes early for everything... one of those OCD things).
I am a much happier person when I stop listening to that negative inner voice. I even went shopping one day, and at least 3 women stopped me in Macy's to compliment either my hair, my makeup, or ask me for style advice. It was so flattering, and awesome because that NEVER happened to me before. If I am in one of my negative mindsets, I am totally unapproachable and keep my head down. Happy me walks with pride, I own it, and apparently I look like a nice enough person for strangers to come up to me. I even find that I am dressing better when I'm just running errands on the weekend. No yoga pants and schleppy hoodie, but actual clothes that I wear to work.
So, my homework for this month is to stop relying on outside factors to make me happy. I have to figure out how to just BE happy without relying on compliments, gifts, money, or anything else to make me happy. When I'm happy, good things happen. I strongly recommend it... it's incredible how much a little perspective adjustment can change your whole world if you let it.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
A little motivation is all it takes...
The past month has been... well... CHALLENGING. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. My husband had quite a health scare, and luckily he is going to be fine. I had to play the role of "rock," which was weird for me, because usually I'm the one with the health crises and he's the calm, cool, and collective one. Trying to hold it all together, and not let him see my concern did play with my head a lot. Half of me wanted to focus on my diet, nutrition, and weight loss so I could be healthy enough to care for him in the event he needed care; but the other half... the wicked bitch... she was the one who told me that candy, cake, cookies, and ice cream would solve my problems.
Guess who won?
I gained a total of four pounds during my emotional breakdown, and I deserved to gain more than that. Luckily, I did not - which was a good thing. I' ve lost half of the weight I gained back, and am getting myself refocused, rejuvenated, and remotivated to keep moving South on the Scale.
Yes, the scale and I had filed for divorce due to irreconcilable differences some time ago, but I just couldn't let it go. I am consciously using the scale as a TOOL and not a WEAPON. I can monitor my daily food intake and activity using my BodyMedia Fit device, and I am now looking at the scale to measure what I have done during the day to see how it impacts my progress. Two weeks in, and I'm down 2 pounds. Not bad, right?
My next challenge is a friend and I have a contest going... we set an end date and showed each other our starting weights. We have to keep it honest because too many times I've been part of "biggest loser" contests where nobody showed each other their true statistics (whether it was online or in person, it didn't matter). It was slightly humiliating to show another woman my weight, especially when she is fabulous (and weighs my GOAL weight...) but the point of the exercise is that we are going to work together, support each other, and report back weekly. Whoever loses the highest percentage by the end of the 3 months - IN A HEALTHY FASHION - she's on WW and I'm on JC - the winner will get a pedicure.
I'm also starting to figure out a few things about myself. I am going to an Open House tomorrow night to check out a school for estheticians. What's that, you ask? Well, if you have to ask... skin care, makeup, and other spa-related services. I find that I am asked almost on a daily basis about makeup, skincare, and clothes. I *love* to help people feel better about themselves - I learned that while I was working at the store last summer. The best experiences I had were when a woman came in, looking sad and feeling bad about how she thought she looked, and after I got done with her the smile she wore was immeasurable. Sometimes she didn't buy anything, but how she saw herself after I got done with her... amazing. I loved that warm glowy feeling of being able to help someone's self esteem. I want to be able to do that more, maybe because I didn't have that "person" when I was younger so I had to figure it out myself. But, self esteem is so important in how you see the world and how the world sees you.
So... I'm looking into getting licensed and maybe it will turn into a new career, maybe it will be a weekend thing... I don't know. All I know is that I am actually excited about a possibility, which is something I haven't had in a very long time. Work should be something you love doing, and not just something to pay the bills. I am now at the age where I want to do something that MEANS something. Yes, I still have the bills to pay but I also have more options available to me.
We'll see.
Guess who won?
I gained a total of four pounds during my emotional breakdown, and I deserved to gain more than that. Luckily, I did not - which was a good thing. I' ve lost half of the weight I gained back, and am getting myself refocused, rejuvenated, and remotivated to keep moving South on the Scale.
Yes, the scale and I had filed for divorce due to irreconcilable differences some time ago, but I just couldn't let it go. I am consciously using the scale as a TOOL and not a WEAPON. I can monitor my daily food intake and activity using my BodyMedia Fit device, and I am now looking at the scale to measure what I have done during the day to see how it impacts my progress. Two weeks in, and I'm down 2 pounds. Not bad, right?
My next challenge is a friend and I have a contest going... we set an end date and showed each other our starting weights. We have to keep it honest because too many times I've been part of "biggest loser" contests where nobody showed each other their true statistics (whether it was online or in person, it didn't matter). It was slightly humiliating to show another woman my weight, especially when she is fabulous (and weighs my GOAL weight...) but the point of the exercise is that we are going to work together, support each other, and report back weekly. Whoever loses the highest percentage by the end of the 3 months - IN A HEALTHY FASHION - she's on WW and I'm on JC - the winner will get a pedicure.
I'm also starting to figure out a few things about myself. I am going to an Open House tomorrow night to check out a school for estheticians. What's that, you ask? Well, if you have to ask... skin care, makeup, and other spa-related services. I find that I am asked almost on a daily basis about makeup, skincare, and clothes. I *love* to help people feel better about themselves - I learned that while I was working at the store last summer. The best experiences I had were when a woman came in, looking sad and feeling bad about how she thought she looked, and after I got done with her the smile she wore was immeasurable. Sometimes she didn't buy anything, but how she saw herself after I got done with her... amazing. I loved that warm glowy feeling of being able to help someone's self esteem. I want to be able to do that more, maybe because I didn't have that "person" when I was younger so I had to figure it out myself. But, self esteem is so important in how you see the world and how the world sees you.
So... I'm looking into getting licensed and maybe it will turn into a new career, maybe it will be a weekend thing... I don't know. All I know is that I am actually excited about a possibility, which is something I haven't had in a very long time. Work should be something you love doing, and not just something to pay the bills. I am now at the age where I want to do something that MEANS something. Yes, I still have the bills to pay but I also have more options available to me.
We'll see.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Image is everything
...BODY image, that is.
The way you see yourself? Nobody sees the same thing that you do. The so-called gigantic pimple on your forehead? Nope, they aren't staring at it. The dimples on your thighs? Nope, not looking at that either.
What you see - what you choose to focus on? It's not important to anyone else but you.
Everyone has flaws, it's what makes us individuals. It makes each of us unique. It makes us SPECIAL. Yup. I said it. We are special. *I* am special.
I spent a great deal of time speaking with my therapist about my negative self-image last week. She gave me homework... I LOVE the homework assignments she gives me. It always helps me to change my perspective on things. But I guess that's why I pay her the big bucks... she knows what she's talking about.
My homework was to ignore the negative self-talk, and focus on more positive things. Stop fretting about what my husband thinks when he sees me wearing shorts to bed, don't obsess over "what everyone is looking at," and only focus on what makes me happy. And you know what? IT'S WORKING. If I focus on what makes *me* feel good, and ignore that negative voice in my head, the one that has been there since childhood that worries about the people who are supposedly watching my every move and judging me... I'm actually a pretty happy girl.
If I don't feel comfortable in an outfit to wear to work, I'll pick something else. If I start to hear a voice in my head telling me that if I eat something it will make me fat... I turn the voice off and ask myself if I really want to eat that something. If I turn the question around and ask myself how I will FEEL after eating that something... I will listen to the answer. If I know it's something that will make me feel lousy afterwards, I will choose not to eat it. But if it's something magically delicious? I may indulge. NOT binge. And I'm not going to think about what someone else thinks if I do eat that something, because it's my decision and has nothing to do with them.
Yes, image is everything. How I see myself does reflect on how everyone else perceives me. If I see myself as a failure, nobody is going to see me as a success story. If I see myself as beautiful, it will exude and people will see the beauty that is inside me. The same for you - you need to FEEL and BELIEVE what is inside of you, and stop listening to the negative demons that we all have. Focus on the positivity instead, you will be a better person for it.
It's not easy. TRUST me. I'm 40 years old and I'm still learning how to live with myself and find out who I am. BUT, anything that is worth it will take some hard work. And the physical stuff is actually easy compared to the emotional overhaul. I'm starting to see that it's worth it.
I'm worth it.
You're worth it.
The way you see yourself? Nobody sees the same thing that you do. The so-called gigantic pimple on your forehead? Nope, they aren't staring at it. The dimples on your thighs? Nope, not looking at that either.
What you see - what you choose to focus on? It's not important to anyone else but you.
Everyone has flaws, it's what makes us individuals. It makes each of us unique. It makes us SPECIAL. Yup. I said it. We are special. *I* am special.
I spent a great deal of time speaking with my therapist about my negative self-image last week. She gave me homework... I LOVE the homework assignments she gives me. It always helps me to change my perspective on things. But I guess that's why I pay her the big bucks... she knows what she's talking about.
My homework was to ignore the negative self-talk, and focus on more positive things. Stop fretting about what my husband thinks when he sees me wearing shorts to bed, don't obsess over "what everyone is looking at," and only focus on what makes me happy. And you know what? IT'S WORKING. If I focus on what makes *me* feel good, and ignore that negative voice in my head, the one that has been there since childhood that worries about the people who are supposedly watching my every move and judging me... I'm actually a pretty happy girl.
If I don't feel comfortable in an outfit to wear to work, I'll pick something else. If I start to hear a voice in my head telling me that if I eat something it will make me fat... I turn the voice off and ask myself if I really want to eat that something. If I turn the question around and ask myself how I will FEEL after eating that something... I will listen to the answer. If I know it's something that will make me feel lousy afterwards, I will choose not to eat it. But if it's something magically delicious? I may indulge. NOT binge. And I'm not going to think about what someone else thinks if I do eat that something, because it's my decision and has nothing to do with them.
Yes, image is everything. How I see myself does reflect on how everyone else perceives me. If I see myself as a failure, nobody is going to see me as a success story. If I see myself as beautiful, it will exude and people will see the beauty that is inside me. The same for you - you need to FEEL and BELIEVE what is inside of you, and stop listening to the negative demons that we all have. Focus on the positivity instead, you will be a better person for it.
It's not easy. TRUST me. I'm 40 years old and I'm still learning how to live with myself and find out who I am. BUT, anything that is worth it will take some hard work. And the physical stuff is actually easy compared to the emotional overhaul. I'm starting to see that it's worth it.
I'm worth it.
You're worth it.
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