Tuesday, January 24, 2012

well, hello, negative Nelly


that's all i can say to sum up how i have felt over the past week. sinus infection, double ear infection (and yes, i AM 40 years old, i thought crap like this only happened to babies...). i have no motivation to do anything. i started my workout routine Tuesday night as planned with a beginner yoga class which was AWEsome. so relaxing, a little bit challenging because my muscles have not moved that way in a very long time.

the next night, i did a half hour on the dreadmill. SLOWly, but i did it while watching "Arrested Development" on my iPad, so time passed very quickly. later that night, i woke up from a sound(ish) sleep to a slamming headache in my sinuses. and i knew. i just knew. so i've been on antibiotics since Thursday and i feel like dog.

i've been craving carbs like it's my job because i have had zero energy, and i really think the antibiotics make me hungrier than normal. as a woman with PCOS, carbs are my mortal enemy. the scale definitely did not reward me yesterday; i was up 1.4 pounds. my first gain in 10 weeks and i was ready for it but still EXTREMELY discouraged.

i don't see the weight loss. nobody has commented on the weight loss. i don't FEEL the weight loss (energy level, clothes fitting differently, nothing). i'm very negative this week, and i know it's totally normal to feel some level of frustration at this stage, but i want to throw in the towel so desperately but i've spent so much time and (money) on this that i'm just stubborn enough not to quit.

i need to prove Negative Nelly wrong. i *can* do this. Nelly is not my friend. she tells me things that i would never say to another person, and she's downright nasty. she looks at me and points out my flaws. she tells me i can't accomplish something. she even tells me that i'm not worth it.

Hey, Nelly? Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

another week, and i'm at 15.8 pounds down.

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