Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Forgive me, blogosphere, for I have slacked

I have been really having a personal struggle over the past several months. After a lot of soul searching and some discussions with the hubs, I finally admitted that I needed help. I had been feeling like I was the ugliest part of who I used to be. I don't mean physical ugliness, but the emotional, angry, hyper-reactive side of me who takes everything and turns it into a conflict or drama.

I stood up for myself and called my doctor who put me back on a low dose of antidepressants and I found a great therapist who was strongly recommended by one of my best friends on the planet (I pretty much owe her my life right now, since I was in that vortex of doom). The therapist diagnosed me with severe pmdd (hi, hormones... You are what was making me so incredibly over the top bitchtastic), and I have post traumatic stress disorder, which was predominantly triggered by the great fire of 2008.

After several months of therapy and the antidepressant getting the pmdd under control, I feel like me again. I want to be better, emotionally and physically. Two weeks ago, I decided to take the physical and start to get my body healthy again since my mind is getting healthier (might as well have the total package, right?). I joined Jenny. Now, I know a lot of you feel very strongly against prepackaged foods, but given my history with binge eating, I knew is was the only reasonable solution for me right now. I still feel too weak to go to the grocery store and be trusted to purchase healthy meals and prepare single servings for myself. It's so much easier to have a pint of ice cream than to cook!!

Two weeks into the new eating plan, I am down 7.2 pounds. Not bad, but I have a long way to go. And I am looking forward to it, because I am already feeling like the old me is starting to come back and I miss her.

Optimism... A new feeling but I like it. I am tired if worrying about the shoe to drop when things seem to be going well.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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