Friday, April 1, 2011

Yuck... Part deux

Root canal.

Nuf said. It sucked big hairy monkey balls. No, I don't want to hurt the monkey's feelings... It was worse than that. It was like spending a weekend with my mother in law without the luxury of the safety word to get me out of there. It was like the worst torture ever. Water boarding? Fuck that. Give a terrorist a root canal. They'll tell you everything you need to hear once the lockjaw wears off.

When I say my mouth was pried in the open position for 90 plus minutes, I kid you not. I got in there at 11:30, and finally was allowed to close up shop at 1:20. What the deuce? At least the Novocain was still working, but I thought I could play rocky Dennis in the new "mask" movie opposite Cher. I felt deformed, I felt like I was handicapped from the face left. Nobody told me I was going to be starting a training program for future porn stars of america.

It was that bad. Next time, dear dentist, yank the fucker. I don't care if I look like the old man on "family guy." I'm going toothless. Gerber, I'll be your adult spokesperson.

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