Tired of not being good enough

i'm sick of it.

i'm going to whine for a minute, if that's OK.

i'm sick of being fat. i'm sick of not being able to control my binges. i'm sick of not feeling like i'm good enough to be with my friends. it's starting to really take a toll on my spirit. my body? forget that... it's already so far gone. i'm about ten pounds away from my highest weight, and my husband is trying so hard to make me feel beautiful.

i don't know what triggered this downward spiral, but it started about two years ago and i just can't recover from it. i don't think anyone cares, i don't think i'm worth it, i don't care about taking care of myself. i haven't gone to the gym in three weeks. i'm wearing black. every. single. day.

snap me the fuck out of this funk, please!